healing process with GOD.

At some point, I didn't understand what was going on inside of me - I felt disconnected from the inner parts of me. I began to realize that my identity had shattered like a block of ice.

When I first began my healing journey, I struggled with questions. But God encouraged me with a promise, and I believe He wants to share it with you as well. I know everyone is experiencing a broken heart, it can never be healed but it can mend. All I can say is it’s one of the most painful things I’m suffering right now, it’s an overwhelming feeling of sadness, grief, or even a deep sorrow, . It takes different amounts of time to mend it, And now I’m still in a process of mending it while I’m gaining my strength to love him more in God’s time and enlightening my mind . I begun to mend my heart in a way that I talk about my pain helps me accept the reality of the situation, and guides me along in the healing process. The first person I got to is the Lord, I know I really need him from time to time.

My relationship didn’t work out with him and we both need time to think and we’ve been left with a broken heart. So we’re take this time to evaluate where we can improve ourselves for the future. However, We really don’t close ourselves off to the possibility of romance again with each other. In the right time and place it’s a wonderful thing. Our relationship is very important for us that we need to do this, We know it’s hard but I know it’s gonna be worth it. I have a feeling that we’re getting there.

As I came to know these hidden parts of myself, I was coming to love my deepest nature, my God-given identity. Jesus was drawing me to acknowledge, to know, and to love my inner-most being, the very core of me. I heard my Creator speak that I was altogether perfect and lovely because He is altogether perfect and lovely, and He is able to restore all things to their original design. When I heard His heart toward me, I knew that I was lovely.

Moreover, God is the only One who knows what is ahead of us but I am confident enough that He will help us get through all these for we proved already that we are meant to grow old together. will love Peejo no matter what, now and always.

dream.

PRECIOUS PARIS: (from L-R) Arch of Triumph, Basilique de Sacré-Coeur, Eiffel Tower, The Notre Dame, River Seine, and Louvre.

*** i really love to visit these places with peejo, someday =) !

reality bites.

> There will come a time in your life when you’ll fall with a single soul. For this person, you’ll do anything and won’t think twice about it and when you ask why, You have no answer, you’ll try your whole life to understand how single person can affect you as much as he did, but you never find out and no matter how badly you hate it or how badly it hurts, you’ll love this person w/o regret for the rest of your life..

> "Love may take too long, but it will always take you to where you belong. Just hold on and enjoy the journey. No need to hurry because your heart will know when it's finally home. Learn to trust the perfect time so that you may discover that all the pain found in waiting has a magnificent and awesome purpose. In God's time, you will fall inlove for the right reason with the right person. When that time comes, love will be worth the waiting, the tears, the pain. Then you'll forget you ever waited."

> "move on...life is 2 short to hold grudges!"

> Sometimes we need to stop analyzing the past, stop planning the future, stop trying to figure out precisely how we fill, stop deciding with our mind what we want our heart to feel, sometimes we just have to go with whatever happens—happens.

my new crush.

SHIA LABEOUF -- what can be said about him?, all i know for this moment is that he's my new crush in the world of Hollywood. He's one heck of a gifted man, being an actor, he's very good in it. He performed well his role from being Sam Witwicky of Transformers to Kale Brecht of Disturbia. He's like an Adonis, that's for damn sure. I really like this guy! Keep on rockin' SHIA!!!

unconditional.

the most unconditional love you could ever feel is from your mom. from the day you were concieved, she nurtured you, gave you a home, fed you until you were fat, and gave you clothes to wear! who else could have done that to you? she doesn't do it because she needs to, she does it because she wants to. you wouldn't be in her belly for 9 months if she didin't want you. you may hate your mom for reason of strictness or maybe lameness. please! give the old lady a break. she tries her best to give you everything you need and you repay her with curses and tantrums. what the hell! do something good for her. small gestures count like doing your homework (or at least making an effort to), washing dishes, cleaning your room, kissing her before you leave, kissing her when you get home, saying goodmorning, saying goodnight, or just simply saying "i love you" every once in a while. she deserves it.

rainy days and nights.

It's been raining all day. I'm writing with the window open so I can feel the cool moist wind, smell the damp earth and hear the raindrops falling. Normally, I relish the beautiful sunny days but not today. Today I am thankful for the gentle soaking rain. I got to thinking about how often I want my life to be filled with sunny days. It seems like it would be so much easier. Why couldn't God just make all of my days sunny? God in his wisdom understands that I also need the rain. I hate to admit it but it can be easy to get distracted by sunny days. You start making all sorts of fun and exciting plans. You start running here and there. If you're not careful, you might even forget who provided you with those sunny days! Then comes the rain. If we're honest with ourselves, the rain can actually refresh and revitalize us. I find myself less distracted on rainy days. I learn a lot on rainy days. I learn much more about God's faithfulness, love and power on rainy days than I do on sunny days. The sun is supposed to return tomorrow and it will fall upon thirsty earth that has received the rain and been renewed. May we willing receive the rain as well as the sun from God!

ways to keep me smiling...

I hold on to my dreams, and never let them go. Showing the rest of the world what so many people already know: how wonderful I AM! I'm giving circumstances a chance and giving others the benefit of the doubt. Wishing on a star that shining in the sky and taking my problems one by one and work things out. Relying on all the strength I have inside. Letting loose of the sparkle and spirit that sometimes I'm trying to hide. Staying touch with those who is touching my life with love. Looking on the bright side and I'm not letting adversity keep me from winning. Just be myself, because I'm filled with special qualities that have brought me this far, and that will always see me through. Keeping my spirits up. Making my heart happy, and letting myself reflect everything I do.

" When you're chasing away the clouds, the sky is the limit."

Philippine General Hospital

ACTUAL SENTENCES FOUND IN PATIENT'S MEDICAL CHARTS at PHILIPPINE GENERAL HOSPITAL (PGH):

1. Patient has chest pain if she lies on her left side for over a
year.

2. On the second day the knee was better, and on the third day it
disappeared.

3. She has no rigors or shaking chills, but her husband states she was
very hot in bed last night.

4. The patient is tearful and crying constantly. She also appears to
be depressed.

5. The patient has been depressed since she began seeing me in 1993.

6. Discharge status: Alive but without permission.

7. The patient refused autopsy.

8. The patient has no previous history of suicides.

9. She is numb from her toes down.

10. While in ER, she was ex amined, X-rated and sent home.

11. The skin was moist and dry.

12. Occasional, constant, infrequent headaches.

13. Patient was alert and unresponsive.

14. Rectal examination revealed a normal size thyroid.

15. She stated that she had been constipated for most of her
life, until she got a divorce.

16. The lab test indicated abnormal lover function.

17. The patient was to have a bowel resection. However, he took a
job as a stockbroker instead.

18. Skin: somewhat pale but present.

19. Patient has two teenage children, but no other abnormalities.


*******

Sa PGH, may tinatawag na Central Block. Nandoon ang Radiology
Department kung saan ginagawa ang mga X-rays, Ultrasound, CT Scan at
Radiotherapy.
Dito ko naobserbahan ang evolution ng mga pinoy medical terms. May
mga pasyente o bantay na aking nasasalubong, ang madalas magtanong ng
direksyon. Mga Versions ng CT Scan:

1 . "Dok saan po ba ang Siete Scan?"
2. "Doc saan po ba magpapa-CT Skull"
3. "Doc saan po ba CT Scalp"
4. "Doc saan po ang CT Scam?"

**********

Madalas akong mapagtanungan ng direction papunta sa Cobalt Room.
"Doc saan po ba ang Cobal" Yes, laging walang T. Marami ang gumagamit
sa term na Cobal. Saan napunta ang "T". Marami din kasing nagtatanong,
"Doc, saan po ba ang papuntang X-Tray?"
Conclusion: Ang "T" ng Cobalt, ay napunta sa X-Tray.

*********

7:00 am. Nagbigay ang kasamahan kong doktor ng Instruction sa
bantay ng pasyente, "Mister, punta po kayo sa Central Block at magpa-schedule
kayo ng X-ray ng pasyente ninyo." 3:00 pm. Kadarating lang ng bantay.
Nagalit na ang Doktor, "Mister, bakit namang napakatagal ninyong bumalik?
>Pina-schedule ko lang naman ang X-ray ah." Sumagot ang bantay, "Eh
kasi po Doc, ang tagal kong naghintay sa gate, haggang sabihin ng guwardiya na
sarado daw po ang Central Bank kasi Sabado ngayon." (Nasa Roxas Blvd
ang Bangko Sentral ng Pilipinas, at sarado nga naman yon kapag Sabado)!

***********

Nang mag-rotate ako as intern sa Pediatrics ng PGH, mahal na mahal
talaga ng mga nanay ang kanilang mga anak na may sakit. Pilit nilang
tinatandaan ang mga gamot at tawag sa sakit ng kanilang anak.
Doktor: "Mrs. ano po ang mga gamot na iniinom ng anak niyo?"
Mrs 1 : "Doc phenobarbiedoll po."
Doktor: "Ah baka po phenobarbital. " (Gamot sa convulsion ang
phenobarbital)

**********

Doktor: "Mrs. ano po ba ang antibiotic na iniinom ng anak ninyo?"
Mrs 2: "Doc metromanilazole po."
Doktor: "Ah baka po metronidazole. " (Gamot sa amoeba ang
metronidazole)

************

Ang tawag sa recovery room ng PGH ay PACU (Post-Anesthesia Care Unit)
Doktor: "Mrs., tapos na po ang operasyong ng anak ninyo, punta na Po
kayo sa PACU.
Mrs 3: "Eh Doc, saan po sa Paco? Sa may simbahan po ba o sa may
palengke?

***********

Doktor: "Mrs. ano po ba ang sinabi ng dating doktor kung ano daw ang
sakit ng inyong anak?"
Mrs 4: "Eh Doc sabi po niya Tragedy of Fallot.
Doktor: "Ah baka po Tetralogy of Fallot (Isang Congenital Heart
Disease ang Tetralogy of Fallot)

************

Biglang nagtatarang ang isang nanay at sumigaw.
Mrs: "Scissors! Scissors! Nag-sciscissors ang anak ko, Doc!"
Doktor: "Nurse, diazepam please, nag-seizure ang pasyente!"

*************

Doktor: "Mrs. ano daw po ba ang sakit ng anak ninyo?"
Mrs. 6 : May ketong daw po.
In-examine ng doktor ang balat ng pasyente. Wala siyang makitang
senyales ng ketong. Tumawag pa siya ng isang Dermatologist para mag-examine
nang husto. Wala talaga.
Doktor: "Mrs. sigurado po ba kayong ketong ang Sakit ng bata?"
Mrs : "Eh iyon po ang sabi ng doktor niya dati. Mataas daw po ang
ketong sa ihi dahil may diabetes."
Doktor: "Ah ketone po yon! (Ang positive ketone sa Ihi ay senyales ng
kumplikasyon ng diabetes.)

**************

Doktor: (Sa buntis na mrs. na nagle-labor) "Mrs.pumutok na po ba
ang panubigan mo?"
Mrs:"Eh Doc, wala naman po akong narinig na pagsabog." (Hanep!)

Grey's Anatomy: Meredith Grey Quotes

I just have to share these quotes by Meredith Grey from Grey's Anatomy.


On Fairy Tales:

"You know how when you were a little kid and you believed in fairy tales, that fantasy of what your life would be, white dress, prince charming who would carry you away to a castle on a hill. You would lie in bed at night and close your eyes and you had complete and utter faith. Santa Claus, the Tooth Fairy, Prince Charming, they were so close you could taste them, but eventually you grow up, one day you open your eyes and the fairy tale disappears. Most people turn to the things and people they can trust. But the thing is its hard to let go of that fairy tale entirely cause almost everyone has that smallest bit of hope, of faith, that one day they will open their eyes and it will come true."

"At the end of the day faith is a funny thing. It turns up when you don't really expect it. Its like one day you realize that the fairy tale may be slightly different than you dreamed. The castle, well, it may not be a castle. And its not so important happy ever after, just that its happy right now. See once in a while, once in a blue moon, people will surprise you , and once in a while people may even take your breath away."


On Success:

A couple of hundred years ago, Benjamin Franklin shared with the world the secret of his success. Never leave that till tomorrow, he said, which you can do today. This is the man who discovered electricity. You think more people would listen to what he had to say. I don't know why we put things off, but if I had to guess, I'd have to say it has a lot to do with fear. Fear of failure, fear of rejection, sometimes the fear is just of making a decision, because what if you're wrong? What if you're making a mistake you can't undo? The early bird catches the worm. A stitch in time saves nine. He who hesitates is lost. We can't pretend we hadn't been told. We've all heard the proverbs, heard the philosophers, heard our grandparents warning us about wasted time, heard the damn poets urging us to seize the day. Still sometimes we have to see for ourselves. We have to make our own mistakes. We have to learn our own lessons. We have to sweep today's possibility under tomorrow's rug until we can't anymore. Until we finally understand for ourselves what Benjamin Franklin really meant. That knowing is better than wondering, that waking is better than sleeping, and even the biggest failure, even the worst, beat the hell out of never trying.


On Pain:

"Maybe we like the pain. Maybe we're wired that way. Because without it, I don't know; maybe we just wouldn't feel real. What's that saying? Why do I keep hitting myself with a hammer? Because it feels so good when I stop."

"Pain, you just have to ride it out, hope it goes away on its own, hope the wound that caused it heals. There are no solutions, no easy answers, you just breath deep and wait for it to subside. Most of the time pain can be managed but sometimes the pain gets you where you least expect it. Hits way below the belt and doesn't let up. Pain, you just have to fight through, because the truth is you can't outrun it and life always makes more. "


On Intimacy:

"Intimacy is a four syllable word for, "Here's my heart and soul, please grind them into hamburger, and enjoy." It's both desired, and feared. Difficult to live with, and impossible to live without. Intimacy also comes attached to the three R's... relatives, romance, and roommates. There are some things you can't escape. And other things you just don't want to know."

"I wish there were a rulebook for intimacy. Some kind of guide to tell you when you've crossed the line. It would be nice if you could see it coming, and I don't know how you fit it on a map. You take it where you can get it, and keep it as long as you can. And as for rules, maybe there are none. Maybe the rules of intimacy are something you have to define for yourself."


On Denial:

"Sometimes reality has a way of sneaking up and biting us in the ass. And when the dam bursts, all you can do is swim. The world of pretend is a cage, not a cocoon. We can only lie to ourselves for so long. We are tired, we are scared, denying it doesn't change the truth. Sooner or later we have to put aside our denial and face the world. Head on, guns blazing. De Nile. It's not just a river in Egypt, it's a freakin' ocean. So how do you keep from drowning in it?"


On Companionship:

"At the end of the day, when it comes down to it, all we really want is to be close to somebody. So this thing, where we all keep our distance and pretend not to care about each other, is usually a load of bull. So we pick and choose who we want to remain close to, and once we've chosen those people, we tend to stick close by. No matter how much we hurt them, the people that are still with you at the end of the day - those are the ones worth keeping. And sure, sometimes close can be too close. But sometimes, that invasion of personal space, it can be exactly what you need. "

new discovery!

for those who are addicted to pictures and haven't found yet a good site to manage, organize, and share your photos, try to visit http://picasa.google.com/. love this! got this from a GQ article. enjoy!

living large.

Lately, I've been on the heavy side. Before I thought nothing of it as a kid, dealing with it as I'm getting older wasn't exactly a piece of cake. Basically, You've heard them all before--cut out the carbs, chocolate is the enemy. I'm tired of eating a lot this past weeks and starting to balance my diet (reduce I, mean.) because one day, just one day. I realized that there was a constant pressure to be thin--from society, my peers, my boyfriend, and even my family. The worst pressure though, came from me.

Days ago, Me and my boyfriend have this usual malling day. While dressing up, I got embarrassed about my size cause I can't figure-out what to wear. All my clothes are too tight for me, too small, and sooo fitted! Bigla ko na lang naisip (*ting)...I want to lose weight, to reduce, and get back my size when I was in college. Weight gain and increase size was really inevitable. I discipline myself, to be firm on my diet plan cause its very hard being big although I can carry myself but I don't like being BIG. Everytime I confide to one of my friend in college she always say that BIG is beautiful, I know she just say that for me not to be hurt my feelings. I know also the fact that " Confidence is all in the mind, If you feel you are beautiful then people will know you are." But I'm not after to that, I'm concerned with my health and now I'm still struggling with my diet plan, it's really hard but I know i'm gonna used to it. It's very disappointing for me, because I have all the ideas losing weight but I can't do those with the reason of my hectic schedule of studying, though. When I'm battling the bulge, I hated not being my ideal size. I couldn't buy or wear clothes I really wanted, I felt guilty about eating dessert (my fave part of the meal!). I had to endure my friend's annoying, well-intentioned words ("Magpapayat ka nga!"), my sister's relentless teasing (slapping my butt and saying "Ang taba mo ate!"). All this made me a li'l insecure. I constantly envied girls with good-figure. I missed out on life and felt that I couldn't be the person I truly wanted to be.

After my exam thing, I have so many plans to do some extrenous activities like I wanna try doing cardio ex. everyday, continue my boxing thing and try YOGA (Thanks to Ben-Ariel for his encouraging words about Yoga!). I really wanted to do those things and I really dedicated to obtaining it. Thanks to PEEJO for supporting me.

being a nurse.

I originally wanted to be a surgeon. And I didn't really set out to become a nurse but when I'm up to college I took Physical Therapy for my Pre-med course but persuaded by my parents to take up Nursing and I decided to give it a try.

I realized nursing was...harder and more stresful than I expected it to be. I've been in the ER Dept so there's always to do--from receiving patients with fever or stomach ailments, to stabilizing patients who've had cardiac arrests. I handle different types of patients, including those just pretending to be sick, as well as phsychiatric patients who need to be restrained, and even suicidal types. You really need patience and develop you social skills.
When I get home...I still think about my patients, and ask myself if I did okay. Nursing is a physical, mental, emotional job. It's different from office work. Not everyone can handle it. What get me through is my dedication--I love nursing! It's very fulfilling and there's no other job I'd want to do except being a surgeon someday because that's my passion and I'll gonna pursue that dream.
What I love about my job is...interacting with different kinds of people. Basically, when people learn that I'm a nurse, they ask me about their health problems. I love helping them if I can. I really wanted to be a nurse, though. I didn't even know it was in demand abroad when I took it up. The profession itself changed my mind, once I see how am I reaching out to people. I love the challenge of studying and learning every work day. I just knew that it was a fun job, though. But my surgeon dream is still there, maybe i'll take it up in U.S as soon as I am stable and I'm very much looking forward to it.

questions.

1.Would you kiss the last person you
kissed?
- absolutely yes.

2. Are you crushin on someone?
- yes.

3.Have you ever liked someone so much
that it hurt?
- none.

4.Have you ever made a boyfriend or
girlfriend cry?
- yes, a lot of times. am i sooo mean?

5. Are you happier single or in a
relationship??
- either of the two.

6.Have you ever cheated on someone?
- no.

7.Have you ever told someone you loved
them and didn't mean it?
- no. what's the sense?

8.Have you ever had your heart
broken?
- a lot of times, though.

9.Talk to any of your ex's?
- yes if necessary

10.If you could go back in time and
change things, would you?
- no, for me there's no turning back. I wanna grow and be mature

11.Think any of your ex's feel the
same?
- i really don't know..have no idea about this.

12. Are you a good girlfriend or
boyfriend?
- i'm not perfect, that's it!

13.Do you believe in love at first
sight?
- don't know???

14.Do you want to get married
- of course, yes.

15. Has anyone ever told you they
wanted to marry you?
- everyone hehehe!

16.Ever liked someone else's
boyfriend or girlfriend?
- my boyfriend.

17. Does heartbreak really feel as
bad as it sounds?
- yeah. it is really, really bad feeling! and i hate it.

addicted.

As I go through the website this afternoon, I just missed something that inspires me the whole period of my review for my state board...It was the blockbuster grey's anatomy! And so on. I started to search on its website for updates and unexpectedly, I feel so happy and excited when I red that there is upcoming season 4...hehe! I feel so addicted to watch it.