simple and real friends.

A simple friend identifies himself when he calls.
A real friend doesn't have to.

A simple friend opens a conversation with a full news bulletin on his life.
A real friend says, "What's new with you?"
A simple friend thinks the problems you whine about are recent.
A real friend says, "You've been whining about the same thing for 14 years. Get off your duff and do something about it."
A simple friend has never seen you cry.
A real friend has shoulders soggy from your tears.
A simple friend doesn't know your parents' first names.
A real friend has their phone numbers in his address book.
A simple friend brings a bottle of wine to your party.
A real friend comes early to help you cook and stays late to help you clean.

A simple friend hates it when you call after he has gone to bed. A real friend asks you why you took so long to call. A simple friend seeks to talk with you about your problems. A real friend seeks to help you with your problems. A simple friend wonders about your romantic history. A real friend could blackmail you with it. A simple friend, when visiting, acts like a guest. A real friend opens your refrigerator and helps himself. A simple friend thinks the friendship is over when you have an argument. A real friend knows that it's not a friendship until after you've had a fight. A simple friend expects you to always be there for them. A real friend expects to always be there for you!